Roger Becomes a God: The History of Gray Rights
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Roger is about to discover the history of his species, and how his kind have long been manipulated by reptillians. His higher self visits him, informing him that he is the alien equivalent of Neo from the Matrix. But will this put him at odds with Stan?


One morning Stan woke up unaware of the fact he was wearing a zebra outfit. Francine was laughing, yet Stan could not figure out why.

"Francine did you make me coffee?" asked Stan.

"It's downstairs, buddy, heheh" laughed Francine. Stan became furious.

"Francine, would you please mind telling me what in God's name is so funny?" asked Stan.

"You're in a ZEBRA OUTFIT!" yelled Francine. Stan just stopped talking, frozen, looking conflicted and confused. He looked in the mirror, horrified to find that Francine was correct.

"Of all the possible sinful iniquities, I'm in a zebra outfit? Again? Unforgiveable" yelled Stan, running downstairs to confront his kids.

"Kids, your daddy is a disgrace," said Stan, clearing his throat. He continued. "Here's why, just look at me, I'm in a zebra costume!" he added. Haylee chuckled.

"Dad, zebras aren't so bad, I'm a total zebra freak myself" said Haylee.

"You don't get it Hayley, this was against my will. I don't even know who put me in this zebra outfit" explained Stan. Then he saw Roger, standing in an archway leaning against the wall, legs crossed, smoking a cigarrette, and looking very sly.

"Ya know who has a zest for all things zebra related?" asked Roger.

"Who?" asked Stan.

"ME! And you, too. You just don't know it. It's buried deep in your subconcious" said Roger. Stan laughed.

"Hah. Yeah right, I don't do the subconcious" said Stan.

"I do the subconcious a lot. It's my preference. You should try it" said Roger.

"Fine, whatever. I'm going to work, I'm late. If I have to wear a zebra costume with my CIA buddies so be it" said Stan.

Later, at work:

Stan showed up at CIA HQ, sitting down at an availible desktop computer. Everyone at work was laughing at him.

"Holy Ian Fleming, Stan! You've been zebrafied again!" said Felix.

"Yeah, uhh, it's my totem animal I guess, Felix." explained Stan.

"That's kinda cool actually!" said Felix, from behind the desk opposite Stan.

"It is?" asked Stan.

"Yeah, I know a lot about that kind of stuff" said Felix, initiating an IM chat with Stan.

Felix: Stan! My totem animal is a gazelle.

Stan: Look, I think that totem stuff is a bunch of garbage, okay? My life is weird enough. I had my son quarintine his Rouge the Bat plush because he thought it had Ebola. Leave me the hell alone" said Stan. Just then Bullock came into the room, dressed as a frog.

"I hope you people know that I've recorded everything you're saying. And while I do indeed relish the bullfrog, I am not amphibian. I'm positively draconian through and through. And you people need to get to work right now, so we can learn how to defeat those bloody hackers, who are a grave threat to our national insecurities! Ahem, securities that is, excuse me! Oh, and quarintine Stan!" said Bullock.

That night, back at home, in Roger's attic:

Roger saw a UFO outside, hovering over the town.

"Why won't Stan come to terms with his inner zebra? Why won't he see that Steve is Velma from Scooby-Doo trapped in a teenage boy's body? Why can't he see it?" yelled Roger, slaming the windowpane with his fists. The ufo dissapeared, then re-appeared in Roger's attic, landing. An alien who looked similar to Roger, wearing a glowing purple cape and dark sunglasses stepped out of the spaceship.

"Roger, you are finally beginning the first stages of seeing the light. You were able to sense the energy aura of Stan's higher totem self!" said the alien.

"Who the flying frick are you?" asked Roger.

"I'm what you should be. I can walk through walls, fly, become invisible, implant thoughts into peoples brains, yank humans from their beds and render them helpless, and destroy nuclear weapons with laser blasts!" said the alien.

"If you're what I should be, then why don't you have the fashion sense of Liberace?" asked Roger. The alien slapped Roger's face.

"That isn't what's important right now. I was sent here to try to bring you up to speed, get you back in the playing field, show you your true potential" said the alien.

"What's your name?" asked Roger.

"I'm Roger 2.0, I'm your higher self. Sadly your pineal gland has been fried and ruined with years of alcohol abuse. And don't tell me about your drug trips either, I can build portals and jump through em, don't tell me I need to eat a magic mushroom from Super Mario to do that" said Roger 2.0

"Wait, hold the phone for a second Roger 2. I'm still player 1, and you'll never outpass me! I can walk through walls too!" said Roger, running up against the attic wall. Roger 2 watched Roger hit his head and plop to the ground. He put his palm over his face in disgust.

"Okay, you need to be trained in the arts of being true to your species. To hell with calling me Roger 2, call me Rufus, that's my real name anyway. As for you, do you have any idea how much potential you had? How much potential you wasted?" asked Rufus.

"I'm wasted alright!" said Roger with a plastered goofy look. Rufus groaned.

"You need to lay off the soda pop. Off the alcohol. You need to realize who you truly are" said Rufus.

"I'm a pansexual alcoholic non-human" said Roger.

"True," said Rufus. "But you are more than just that" he added. Roger looked confused.

"I am?" asked Roger.

"Yes," replied Rufus. "You are infinite awareness!"

"I am infinite awareness, yay. What does that mean?" asked Roger. Rufus sighed.

"What do you think happens when you die?" asked Rufus.

"I'm Roger. Roger is immortal! Right?" asked Roger.

"No. You're not!" said Rufus.

"I thought you just said I'm infinite! Am I or not?" asked Roger.

"Your soul is infinite. Not your body!" explained Rufus.

"Yeah, this body doesn't die okay? I've been doin' every bad thing you can think of to it, and its still here" said Roger.

"It is a bit remarkable actually, that you're still in one piece. But never mind that. Do you have any idea how many of our kind have been turned into literal subserviant drones?" asked Rufus.

"Yeah, I have heard that. A lot of us are cloned robots, and half of us that aren't end up like me" said Roger.

"But some, end up wise very powerful. Do you realize how long us grays have been struggling for independence against the reptillians from Orion?" asked Rufus.

"Since about 1947 when the Dark Evil Reptoids crashed our ship right?" asked Roger.

"Much longer than that, actually. Since the dawn of time, reptillians have been turning us into robots who kidnap humans to do their dirty work" said Rufus.

"Yeah, being a robot isn't really my thing. But kidnapping humans, that's awesome!" said Roger.

"You were a reject, Roger. You weren't going along with the program. You preferred to eat strawberry ice cream, rather than abducting people. You are the One!" said Rufus.

"I'm the one? Is this the Matrix?" asked Roger.

"Yes, as a matter of fact it is! As I was saying, you were used as a crash test dummy to test out a new model of spaceship for the Reptillians. They all assumed you died when you and your crew crashed to Earth in Roswell. But you didn't!" said Rufus.

"Yeah, I kinda figured the story went somethin' like that. I adore strawberry ice cream by the way" said Roger.

"Yes, yes, I know. Anyway, Roger, the Dark Evil Reptoids and their Frozen Diamond Faction CIA human friends want you to stay an alcoholic so they can control your brain and eventually make you a mindless drone. I'm here to break you free from all that. Come on my ship!" said Rufus, offering Roger a ride.

"Will you do a Dwight D Eisenhower pinky swear and promise not to use your powers for evil?" asked Rufus.

"I'll do it, Rufus!" said Roger. So Roger and Rufus blasted off into the stars.

Later, Roger and Rufus landed on the training pad.

"First step to reclaiming your rightful position in the Gray Rights Movement is to know how to defeat a space lizard! See this punching bag? It has

the image of your friend Stan on it. He works for CIA. The CIA tortures people and aliens all the time. And the faction of the CIA that Stan works for, work for your racist lizard oppressors!" said Rufus.

"Yeah, Stan, you're such a jerk, why won't you accept yourself as a zebra? Why won't you accept me as a woman? Why won't you accept the greater reality of all that is and ever will be!" yelled Roger punching the bag. His fingers looked sore and swollen.

"Ow, that hurt" said Roger.

"Pathetic, you're quite weak!" said Rufus. "You have much to learn, young Jedi"

"Yeah, well, I guess you have a point. But I'll have you know I served in the Langley Falls Police Academy once" said Roger.

"I'm sure you did, I'm sure you did," said Rufus sarcastically, while chomping a cigar like a crazed general. Suddenly, some UFO's flew by overhead.

"Are those reptillian ships?" asked Roger.

"Roger!" yelled Rufus. Roger violently yanked Rufus's gun away from him, blasting away at the ships overhead. Little buckets of purple slime fell to the asteroid.

"How about that I got em!" said Roger.

"Those were Palooshian Slime Soldiers. I was calling your name, not giving you the signal to shoot down the ships" said Rufus.

""Ohhhhh. Shit!" said Roger. Any suggestions?"

"Use this magic bracelet. It can bring down objects of great strength, and helps you with moral judgement!" said Rufus.

Later, the asteroid was struck by a laser blast coming from a huge mothership.

A voice could be heard coming from the ship:

"We reptoids ruled the universe for eons, fools. We'll be damned if we let some alcoholic and a nobody try to show us who the kings of the galaxies are. We have full consent of all of EArth's governments to do as we please. You two aren't authorized to do anything, except remain stupid! So remain stupid, in hell!" said the voice. Roger jumped atop Rufus's head, then leaped into the air miraculously, and slammed his fist down into the front of the UFO. The sheer force of Roger's fist brought down the UFO and it crashed into the asteroid, exploding.

"How about that? Ya think he's gonna be okay? I just demolished a reptilian mothership!" said Roger.

"I think he was the leader, too. Wow Roger, you saved the universe" said Rufus. Roger blew on his hands, and wiped the dust off his pants.

"Well, I'm good for more than just donuts and booze. And I proved it. Now what?" asked Roger.

"See the moon over there? Earth's moon?" asked Rufus.

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Roger.

"I'm gonna blow it up!" said Rufus, aiming a laser cannon at the moon, destroying it. Then, the asteroid Roger and Rufus were standing on exploded, and the remains of it formed a new moon near Earth that looked almost identical.

"There. Much better. That wasn't really the Moon. It was a satelite controlling the governments and people of Earth for the Reptoids. You saw it as the moon because that's the way your brain was programmed to accept it as, visually. But, its true form was hideous! The Earth will look a lot more interesting now!" said Rufus.

"You sure about that? Cuz...I knew some people there" said Roger.

"Trust me, Roger. Like Martha Stewart said, it's a good thing" replied Rufus.

"Dude, you twisted bastard, you just blew up the moon" said Roger.

"That wasn't the moon. This new moon is the real one. Be happy, Roger. Earth now belongs to the Rogerian Grays, and everyone will perceive everything as it really is! Donuts and beer for everyone, bitch!" said Rufus. Roger and Rufus flew down to Earth. Everyone was acting like Roger.

When Roger returned home, Stan looked even more like a zebra to Roger. Those who identified as different things than what they appeared to be, literally BECAME what they identified as. Though things were strange, things were happier. And no one could make fun of anyone for being different, because it was obvious just how unique, special, and different everyone was. The true form of the human race had been born. All the worlds problems were solved.

No, my tongue is not way in my cheek. Roger saved Earth. OR DID HE?

The End.


End file.
